Most of my friends have a job, most of them are in relationships, almost all of them can drive and have a degree. I don’t have a job, my driver’s license, a boyfriend, or any degree other than my high school diploma. I know comparison is the thief of joy but being surrounded by people who have all the things I feel I am supposed to have too at 25 makes it really hard not to compare my journey to theirs. I also know that everyone is on their own timeline and that you should only compare yourself to your past self but once again, it’s really hard not to.
I was supposed to graduate from my engineering school last year but because of health issues I’ll be graduating this year instead. To have my master’s degree I had to retake my last semester of school so I could pass the 7 out of 25 classes I was missing to graduate.
It was really hard and lonely to go back to school by myself, knowing all my friends were elsewhere and had already graduated and almost all of them moving on with work while I was still sitting in lectures. I felt and still feel behind in life because of that. I’m aware that my health issues weren’t my fault, and that unexpected shit happens all the time to everyone in life, but you never truly think things like this will happen to you until it does.
I’ve been trying to look at the bright side of things like the fact that I have two months off from mid-January to mid-March while I wait for my final results. I’m using these few months to rest, see friends and family, read, and work out regularly again. I think another thing that makes me feel behind in life is the uncertainty that comes with the transition stage I’m currently in. I have no idea when I’ll find a job and where I’ll end up moving for said job. I have no idea how long I’ll have to stay at my parent’s house while I figure it all out.
I’m scared I’ll be a burden to my parents if I don’t find a job in a couple of months. They’ll be retired soon, and I just don’t want them to worry about my financial stability while they try to enjoy a life without work. They’re not putting any pressure on me to find a job; I can do that all on my own. I’m self-sufficient that way. I think all the pressure I put on myself to figure it all out ASAP stems from all the expectations I’ve always had for myself. I thought by now I would have a stable job with a stable income and a pretty good salary, a house, a car and a significant other. Not to say that I won’t ever have those things but some days this life I’d envisioned for myself seems so far away.
I guess being a child of immigrants doesn’t really help either. Growing up I’ve always known all the sacrifices my parents have made for me and my siblings to be raised in France and all the horrible things they’ve been through before they got here. It always made me want to be good at school and in life in general because I kind of felt like I owed it to them, like a successful life could make up for some of the things they’ve endured. Now I know it can be a toxic way of thinking and I’ve tried to steer away from that mentality in the last couple of years but making my parents proud will always be something I strive for, I think. I guess I’ll always be a recovering people-pleaser.
I’ve been watching videos of other people in my age range talking about what I’ve been feeling. I discovered that ‘post-grad depression’ is a thing and that the quarter life crisis is more common than I thought. Sometimes we get so caught up in what other people have done or achieved before us that we forget to appreciate what we have going on for ourselves and be grateful for what we have.
It’s been really cathartic to see other people with the same struggles and I hope this piece can help someone else feeling the same way. If that’s you, I hope you know you’re not alone. Life is not a race; everyone moves and changes at their own pace.
I became freshly single at 31, which makes me feel like a giant loser compared to my friends with happy family lives. But life just meanders that way. Be proud of everything you have already accomplished and don't worry about what you haven't! You will, or not, which will also be fine, in the end.